Ow, My Back: The Gift Guide for People Who Were Born in the 1900s and Are Doing Fine, Actually
There is a certain kind of person who woke up one day and discovered that their back hurt for no reason, that "sleeping wrong" is now a thing that happens to them, and that they have developed strong opinions about the correct temperature for a room. This guide is for that person. They deserve acknowledgment. They deserve gifts. And they deserve to be told, in a variety of formats, that getting old is actually goth as hell.
The Fridge Magnet Situation
As Soon As This Heating Pad Eases The Pain in My Back and The Ibuprofen Kicks In Fridge Magnet — $5.95
New Arrivals for the 1900s Crowd
It's Fine, I'm Fine Keychain — $4.95
A motel-style keychain that says what everyone born before 2000 says approximately 40 times a day. 109 in stock. This is the correct gift for any occasion.
Back Pain Mini 7-Day Pill Case — $17.95
A compact 7-day pill organizer that says BACK PAIN on it, because naming the problem is the first step. The article is called Ow, My Back. This product belongs here.
Hotter Than Ever Menopause Pen Set — $14.95
A set of five fine-tip pens with menopause humor. For the person who is, in fact, hotter than ever — whether or not they are enjoying it. By Moonlight Makers.
Fucking Hot Flashes Fan — $11.95
A handheld fan that reads "Fucking Hot Flashes." Functional. Direct. No further explanation required.
Together Until We Croak — Frog Block Sign — $7.95
"Together Until We Croak." Two frogs. This is the most romantic thing on this list and also the most honest. By Primitives by Kathy.
Clout Goggles Cat Eye Sunglasses — Vintage Mod Style — $7.00
Cat-eye sunglasses in the vintage mod shape. For the person whose back hurts but whose sunglasses are impeccable.
Ultimate 90s Princess Grunge Waffle Dress in Black — $23.95
A long-sleeve black waffle dress with a tiered skirt and zip neckline — Y2K mall goth energy that is also extremely comfortable to wear when your back hurts. XS–XL.
The Pyrex Corner
We are legally required to include Pyrex items in any guide for people born in the 1900s. These are Twinkltoast miniatures — resin objects cast to look exactly like vintage Pyrex.
Pyrex-Inspired Casserole Ceramic Trinket Box — $28.95 · Pyrex-Inspired Tea Towel — $18.95 · Pyrex-Inspired Mixing Bowl Keychain — $13.95
The Planners & Socks
2027 Little Miss Boss Lady Deluxe Compact Flexi Planner — $17.95
The Mr. Men Little Miss planner, but make it 2027. For the person who is still, against all odds, planning ahead. By Danilo.
Men's Masters of the Universe Villains Crew Socks — $14.95
He-Man villain socks for the man who grew up watching He-Man and has strong opinions about Skeletor. He-Ra fans: noted, we see you.